Parents Newsletter

Mirror - Mirror

You must remember this fairy tale.....

"Mirror, mirror on the wall

Who's the Fairest of them all? "

That's right....it's the classic line from that timeless fairy tale, Snow White.

We all know the story.....the wicked step-mother asks the magic mirror everyday if she's the most beautiful woman around and is shocked, actually outraged one day, to find out that she's got competition.

It seems her stepdaughter, Snow White, is more beautiful than she. And so the plan begins. She must eliminate the competition, permanently.

The step mother hires a hunter to kill Snow White (she'd be arrested nowadays) but in the end, the hunter can't do it. He leaves Snow White in the forest much to the delight of seven little men. (a questionable situation......:o)

When the step mother hears that Snow White is not dead, she decides to take matters into her own hands. Posing as an old woman, she tricks Snow White into eating the famous poison apple.

And so the story goes.....A prince gets wind of this fair maiden lying asleep in the forest, rides out on his horse to check her out, is captivated by her beauty, and cannot possibly live without her. He kisses her, she comes to and they live happily ever after!

Now, don't get me wrong, as a little girl, I loved these fairy tales just as much as the next person. But as an adult woman & parent, I ask "where's the fair in "fairy tales".

Let's look at this for a moment. What are the lessons we learned from Snow White?

Women are jealous of each others looks
Older women especially resent the beauty of younger women
The ONLY condition necessary for a prince to fall in love with a maiden is that she's beautiful
Beauty is the ticket to being rescued by a good looking guy and living "happily ever after"
Beautiful women need someone to rescue them
It doesn't matter if you have the same interests as your husband, have a good sense of humor or if you are fun to hang out with, as long as you are beautiful, you will get the guy
It doesn't matter if you are passed out, in a coma, or even conscious

Although fairy tales bear little resemblance to real life, we still absorbed the lessons.......NO STUDYING NECESSARY.

So tell me.....have you ever looked in the mirror only to be less than satisfied with what the mirror says?

If so, then you are in good company...:o)

I think most of us have wished from time to time that the image staring back at us could be altered in some way, shape or form.

We don't have to look very far to understand why. The messages around beauty have been hammered into us from the earliest of memories. From fairy tales, to Barbie dolls to Hollywood movies, the message consistently tells us that the way to "happily ever after" is to be beautiful.

So when it comes to our daughters/granddaughters, we can also understand why they struggle with this acceptance and uncertainty.

Understanding it is one thing but you might be asking "so what do I do about it...?"

Well, first of all, we have to realize that the mirror is only a day-to-day snapshot of the outside. The reflected image has nothing to do with "WHO" we are as people. The mirror can't tell you how great a friend you are, or how understanding and compassionate you are. The mirror can't tell you how amazing you are at baking cookies or planning parties. The mirror can't tell you how loving you are or how you help people no matter what.

AND get this.....the image staring back at us COMPLETELY depends on how we are feeling in the moment.

The famous french author Anais Nin once said "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are".

What she meant by this is our perception of how we see things changes when our feelings and moods change.
So, if we are having a particularly bad day, the mirror will reflect harsh judgment and criticism of our body. We might focus in on particular body parts, closely analyzing; looking for flaws but if our day is going well and we're feeling goodabout ourselves, the mirror reflects our good feelings.

What we see in the mirror completely depends on how we are feeling about ourselves in any given moment.

Does that sound like a "magic mirror" to you? Maybe.

Secondly, talk with your daughters about the messages they got from the fairy tales. What do they think? How do the messages about beauty make them feel?

Then maybe the two of you can share which "fairy tale" character you most relate to. What follows "happily ever after" at the end of a fairy tale? Do you want anyone to "rescue" you?

Maybe you could "rewrite" your fairy tales.

I'll bet that would make for a pretty powerful and connecting converation with your daughter/granddaughter.

And last of all, next time you look into the mirror, look deeply into your eyes and smile....because you ARE beautiful inside and out!.

Until next time....

Jen :o)